No, project management is neither exciting or motivational. I've come to terms with this; but yet, I am on a call today where people were talking about the new "templates and tools" like it was something akin to a heart transplant. Its not. its boring. Please just deal.

At the risk of sounding redundant, I seriously can not stand people that are allergic to doing actual work--even if its something as simple as setting up a meeting. These are people who are uniquely adept at shoveling off even the most mundane of items to unsuspecting coworkers. One minute you're saying "yes, I'm fine" and the next you've somehow agreed to make 30 copies of a presentation "bound and collated". Oooh, or better yet, when they answer an innocuous email that you sent them, and then cc your boss with the line "and you'll do this...right?" expertly placed. Grrrrrrrrr.

Its only Saturday and I'm already dreading Monday. I don't know why, but when I'm tired I can't possibly think of doing anything, even if its day, weeks, months away. What does that make me? Lazy?

Memo to people who travel on buses and planes: Yes, I am aware that the seats recline. But seriously, do you have to push them all the way back so that you're basically sitting in my lap and I can barely move without kicking you in the head (which, I don't feel that bad about cause really? you're a dick) and then you're up against my knees, which I can't help but then you feel the need to keep pushing your seat into them because you're annoyed they're there BUT I HAVE NOWHERE ELSE TO GO BECAUSE YOU'RE SO FAR BACK! Nice way to start a day or better yet, the 2 hour plane ride from hell before I have to disembark and go to a 5 hour meeting where people will ask me to do everything from take notes to take out the trash to adjust the thermostat and make copies. So, stop being a self-entitled jerk and put the seat up. Cause one of these days, coffee might actually make its way onto that nicely pressed suit you have on due to turbulence.

Do you think it's normal to receive emails from people at 7 p.m. on a Friday night to do work? With deadlines at like Monday at ten? Cause, if you're that person then you're working under the assumption that I will be checking my email on the weekend or you basically forgot to tell me sooner and are just cya'ing to say you got it to me before the week is out. Either way--you suck.

Idiots.

I have recently been told that I need to learn to "delegate more". Here is why I hate delegating:

Me: Hi, did you do that thing I asked you in a very polite and slightly apologetic tone and gave you about three or four days to complete?
Her: No, but I did that other thing you asked me for a while back.
Me: Yes, and I appreciate that, but that was about two weeks ago. I kind of needed what I asked done for this week. It's a really important meeting. I have 40 people coming in from out of town.
Her: Well, then you know what they say, If you want something done right, you should do it yourself! I'm very busy choosing items from my Avon catalogue. And besides, I totally did that other thing, so I don't know why you're upset. I can't do everything you know.
Me: Why? Why? WhYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

Sunday night is the worst. After drinking far too much on Saturday night, you spend the majority of Sunday realizing: you're not nearly as young as you used to be and can't bounce back and start drinking again for at least two weeks, you turn into your 18 year old self when you drink hard liquor (read: crying and dramatic=not cool), you've wasted an entire day being too lazy to change the channel so you've wound up basically watching Golf and Nascar and yet content to do nothing at all. But after spending all day doing nothing and reveling in being lazy and happy it dawns on you how much it sucks that you have to get up and go to work tomorrow and have to be an ADULT. Who decided on the five-day work week? The 8 hour day that starts at 9? When was all this decided? And who then thought it would be a good idea to start screwing with that and making it 8:30-5:30 to make up for the lunch hour? Ugh, and then you have the people that are up at like 4:30 in the morning and are chipper without coffee and stroll over to your desk and are like: "This weekend I resided my house, put in new floors, ran a mini marathon and cooked for the homeless. And this morning, I got up, worked out for like an hour and a half, reorganized my files, set up three meetings, finished a presentation and ate some really delicious oatmeal. Why do you look so tired?" And I can't even function prior to coffee and this person is right in my face and I am now contemplating how I can accidently on purpose spill said coffee on them so that they just stop being so damn perky and energetic and productive. I really hate Sunday nights.

I was in a meeting the other day for an interminable about of time. But that's not the worst part. No, the worst part was the guy across the table who would not stop creepily staring at me, and therefore I was FORCED to watch the people talking the whole time, lest I make eye contact with this guy and receive uber weirdo smile, like, does my job title turn you on? A little? Ugh. Gross. At first I thought I was paranoid until the next day when my boss was like, "Why was dude staring at you the whole time? I was gonna move you across the table!" which I appreciate her protectiveness but it did have a slight feel of when you get your seat moved in bio class.

You know, it's amazing I've ever gotten a job, cause something terrible always happens on my way to interviews. I get lost, I get stuck in traffic, I say the wrong name. But my favorite had to be that at my current job, they told me to be there at 8:30, no one got there until 9 to let me in, then they put me in a cubicle to wait for about an hour until someone REMEMBERED that I was there and then that person had to got a meeting, so I totally wound up being interviewed by a random manager who completley had no idea what job I was there for and basically said, Well, I'm gonna say that I think they should hire you! I'd feel bad, except there have been people who have gotten it so much worse. Someone actually FLEW IN for an interview and then the boss just didn't show up to meet them (I'm told she had a hair appt. but I refused to believe that), and told the secretery to make it up to them with a pen and pencil set. I kid you not. Another time, someone just left a person in a conference room, no one went and got them, and we found them wandering the halls a half an hour later.

Top 5 most hateful interview questions:

* So, where do you see yourself in five years (Why it's hateful: Honestly, how do you answer that without sounding like you read how to answer that on careerbuilder.com?)
* So, what are your weaknesses (Why it's hateful: It's a total sham question. You're not supposed to admit to any weaknesses, but you also can't say crap like, Well, my perfectionist tendencies sometimes make it hard for me not to give 150% and that can be annoying to my less than motivated colleagues.)
* So, what didn't you like about your last boss (Why it's hateful: I have been asked this question and it's awful because you can't say anything that might not get you in trouble later, thus eliminating almost anything that can spontaneously come to your head, so if you're not prepared and hesitate it comes off like, how do I not say that he was a total sexually harassing, incompetent, arrogant ass?)
* So, would you consider yourself a team player? (Why it's hateful: who else besides a mortician would get to answer no and still think that they had a chance in hell?)
* So, who do you know that scored you an interview here (Why it's hateful: Ha, I totally made that one up, but in all those cocky lawyer shows that sexy, smarmy attorney always asks the new kid on the block that one. But I bet you, there are a ton of people who want to ask this one so they need to know if they should kiss your ass or not.)

If I didn't live my life, I wouldn't believe some of the stories that I tell. Seriously, sometimes I do wonder about some random force scripting out situational comedies and I'm the real-life version with my cringe inducing antics. For the most part, and you'd never know it from reading this, I'm fairly respected at work. People ask my opinion, they seek out my advice and input, I've even heard the word "competent" associated with my name. That does not mean however that I am not also that woman who runs into work about 15 seconds before a conference call is to start, jacket half off, hair askew, out of breath, coffee spilled down the front of her shirt, panicking. Cause, I am. Not all the time. There are days that I manage to leave the house at a reasonable time, pick out my outfit the night before, walk at a brisk pace to the train and arrive with a nice window to get to the office. But, let's say it's not the 3rd Monday of an odd numbered month in which the stars have aligned perfectly to allow me not to embarrass myself. Let's say, it's today. A day in which I have a call promptly at nine a.m. Let's examine what happens:

8:58:01: Running through the hallway to get to my desk
8:58:15: Turn on the computer as it agonizingly turns on
8:58:45: Email won't open
8:59:02: Log back on to the computer
8:59:20: Email won't open
8:59:22: Log back on to the computer
8:59:32: Email now finally opens
8:59:55: Find the invite to the call and dial in
9:00:00: Realize that I'm on someone else's call and hear "Hello? Who just joined? Hello?" Hang up quickly.
9:00:10: Decide to actually read my emails to see if there were any changes
9:00:15: Find the right dial in number and dial in
9:01:00: Waiting
9:02:00: Waiting
9:03:00: Waiting
9:04:00: Waiting
9:05:00: Waiting
9:06:00: Oh, here they are!! I was about to put into effect the 5 minute rule.
9:15:00: My cell phone rings. Ooh, it's my friend that I haven't talked to in awhile. Eh, I'm not running this call, I can take it.
9:15:17: Me saying "Yeah, I'm on a really boring conference call"
9:15:18: The phone is not on mute
9:15:19: "Hello, is someone talking?"
9:15:20: Majorly thankful that I had the phone away from my mouth.
9:15:21: IM from fellow worker with a "Everyone thinks it's boring, no one actually says it.LOL"

As I watch the Academy Awards, I sometimes wish I was an actor. Be paid to look good, have Ryan Seacrest fawn over you, Joan Rivers ask inappropriate questions, awesome goodie bags just for showing up! I know they complain about the lack of privacy, but it can't be any worse than growing up where I did, where in a hot minute everyone finds out that your boyfriend dumped you for that girl that he got pregnant after he gave you the Clap (this did not happen to me, but I know someone that it did). Come on, Hollywood is just one big small town. Imagine if our regular office jobs had such perks? "Thanks for coming to this meeting guys. You'll all find under your seats gift certificates to Bliss spa and a brand-new Swatch." Ooooh, or when you walked in, it was someone's job to be like, "Hi Marie, that suit is stunning. Who are you wearing?" or "I hear that you're up for a promotion. Is this your first? How do you feel?" That'd be great. Hell, we get performance reviews all the time, so I could even take on the critics. "I really didn't think that the way she ran that meeting was her best work. Did you see the Sales conference of 2004? That was the pinnacle of her career; she set expectations so high and she's had several duds since then. Remember the December offsite? Awful. And do you see that dress she is wearing? Who told her that yellow was a good color?"

I kind of hate having people report to me. I'm loathe to ask anyone to do anything for me, half the time knowing if I just did it myself, it'd get done quicker. But most importantly, the girl that reports to me constantly asks questions that make me feel like I have to justify why I am asking her to do stuff. Sadly the answer "Cause it's your job?" doesn't seem to resonate as much with her as it does with me. I've never asked my boss, "So really what's in this for me?" and I can be as snarky and complaining as the rest of 'em. It just never occurred to me like, "Huh, I see where you're going with this whole paycheck and work thing, but yeah, I'm still not feeling completely sold on your intent here. Try again." Those damn Lending Tree commericals have ruined it for everyone.

I hate:
People that have everything they own monogramed.
People who give nasty criticism and call it "feedback"
People who start sentences with "Don't take this personally but..." and proceed to say things you can't help but take personally
People who CC your boss on emails unnecessarily
People who hit "Reply All"
People who stand at your cubicle while you're on the phone, sighing, pacing, rolling their eyes and then when you say, "Can I help you" they say "Oh, I'll just wait until you're off the phone"
People who when you get off the phone for their very important question, get distracted trying to to read what is on your computer
People who you catch reading the notes on your desk when you come back from the bathroom and go "Oh, hey, I was looking for you!"
People who won't look you in the eye when they talk to you

I'm sad today. I might need an intervention. On a call this morning I made two lame jokes and, AND, actually said the words (god, I'm cringing as I write this, but they say owning up to things is the best thing to do): So we can talk live?!!! I mean, I'm the one who always responds to that with "Can we can talk dead? Are you suggesting a seance?" AND I'M THE ONE WHO SAID IT THIS TIME. HELP ME!!!! It's happening. I'm slowly being brainwashed. Pretty soon I'll be able to talk for fifteen minutes without saying anything. And I'll turn to my coworkers who leave at five and say "Half day Phil?" or "Keeping bankers hours are we?" And then I'll need...a blackberry!

I'm so disgusted with myself, I'm putting 5 dollars in my "Fines for talking like a corporate idiot" jar. Ugh.

Funny meeting note. Well, I think it's funny when someone brings up a point, goes on for ages, starts getting alternately angry and sad and finally finishes with a "So there!" and is deemed a total crazy person for the day. And then there is complete silence. The people on the phone are like WTF and the people in the room are not looking at each other, for fear of making eye contact that will inevitably lead to snickering and laughter, which may just anger them further. So everyone sits there for like two minutes until the highest level person in the room says, "Okay, anything else?" and even though the meeting is supposed to go on for another hour it's just over. Hey wait, come to think of it, maybe that person is not crazy at all--but a genius!!

I have a lot of friends who work in the medical field. I hate complaining about my job to them. I mean, these are people dealing with real life and death issues and I'm all like, yeah, my spreadsheet got all fucked up and I got yelled at for like five minutes. And then my friend whose a PA is like, yeah I totally killed someone last night because I didn't give them the right medicine. Or my friend who works with autistic kids tells me well, one of the kids jumped across the table and bit me. There's always that dead silence on the line, as I'm trying to figure out what to say next that makes me not sound like a total ass. But usually I stay humbled for about a day, forgetting the lesson learned and bitch about it again.

Automated systems were supposed to give you quick access to information you need. Check your balance, see if a payment was received, etc. You know what it's not good for--actual questions. Actual needs. I mean, freakin' hell, how hard is it to hire people who can answer your questions? Seriously. I know that this is also a big place that companies outsource to other countries. That makes complete sense to me--I mean, would the language barrier be at all a problem?

My favorite is when you ask a question that it is not on the FAQs. There's this HUGE sigh of resignation like, wow I might actually have to ANSWER this question. I'm on hold right now to Vivaldi. I have been for the past ten minutes. The woman didn't even let me ask my question. She heard the topic, freaked out, and put me on hold. Thanks lady! I don't have anything better to do while you breathe into a paper bag and recite Steven Covey's the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People to yourself. Oh wait, she's back. This is an actual transcription of the call,

Me: "Hi. I have a question on (this form that I describe) that is due tomorrow."
Her: "HOLD ON."
Hold music.
Her "Ok. That form is due tomorrow."
Me: "Ok. That's not what I asked. You didn't let me ask my question."
Her: "Yes, I did. That form is due tomorrow."
Me: "I know that. It says it on it. That's not what I need to know."
Her: "HOLD ON."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. And disconnected. I can't blame corporate America because this is the government. I'll wait while you express disbelief that a government agency is poorly run.

My other favorite is when you have a $1500 piece of machinery in front of you that has basically spazzed out and you're on with tech support. And then they basically read from a manual to you asking questions to which mostly the answer is, "Look, I know how to do Excel and Word and open Internet Explorer. I don't know how to reconfigure a hard drive. That's why I have you!!!" "Yeah, uh, hold on, uh, one minute....uh....hmmm. Can you give me a few more key words. I mean, describe your problem again?"

And yes, this annoys the hell out of me, because people are getting laid off everyday in favor of machines and automated systems and whatever else, and I know that people can be incompetent, but spend the money to train them or hire someone with the skill. It's necessary. These shortcuts are just not working. I can't even make these phone calls from my office on my lunch hour because I wind up having a conversation with a computer:
Computer: If this is what you want, say "Yes"
Me: Yes
Computer: I did not understand what you said. If this is what you want, say "Yes"
Me: Yes
Computer: Sorry, I did not understand what you said. If this is what you want, say "Yes"
Me: No
Computer: You said, "More information." Is this correct?
Me: I hate you and I hope you die.
Computer: Thank you. Transferring your call.

There is a new game I like to play when I'm on conference calls: How many buzzwords can people string together to form a sentence so that they can avoid saying actually anything. So far the top winner has 30. I'm hoping that I can start baiting them to use words and see what gibberish comes out and putting that in meeting minutes. Hey--I take my fun where I can.

When someone says that they "need" a blackberry, I must question them. Really, you need it? Like water, and food and air? Or is it really that you need to feel important. So that when you're at a meeting you can say, "Hold on, let me check my blackberry, it never stops!" or at family functions, or church, or the supermarket. I mean, people will see it and think, wow, you are so freakin' important you can't get milk and bread without someone needing you!! Ugh. It's so ridiculous. Why can't we as a culture ever just disconnect (I say this while typing three IMs and watching TiVo but still...at least it's voluntary electronic bombardment)

It was recently suggested that I get a blackberry. I politely refused and then this person had to bring it up once again in front of a bunch of AVPs and VPs like, "I really think you should get one" to which I said the following "I don't think I'm important enough to warrant a blackberry. And come to think of it, has there been a major invention in the last twenty years that has signficantly changed our lives? I mean the car was early 20th century, the computer but what else?" He looked at me as if I had gone mad because all of a sudden this progressed into a major debate among the other people in the meeting--which was quite hilarious as they tried to convince each other of some major achievement only to be shot down and then to come up with some futuristic ideas. I didn't participate, but I did sit back and laugh at how I had successfully avoided getting a device that would literally put me in 24/7 contact with the who says things like, "That word is not part of our company's lexicon" or "Let's go after the low hanging fruit".

As busy as I pretend to be and as crazed as I legitimately feel, I do spend a lot of time doing things other than creating agendas and awesome spreadsheets. I harass my friend Freddy Longpants, IMing him with my inane observations and bizarre questions throughout the day. I'm sure he loves it; but he does take the time to answer me and I appreciate that. Cause I have to say he gives my brain a much needed outlet and vacation that I need during the mind-numbing crap I have to consider during the day. I try to talk to my coworkers but it only gets to a certain point before we're staring at each other like, "yeah...so...." or they're asking me really personal questions about work that I'm petrified will wind up in a performance review (like, what do you really think of the VP?). And this is what happens when the majority of your friends are teachers or in the medical field. I think that they are actually busy during the day.

I'm not an Entertainment junkie, but those websites are the most interesting. EW Pop Candy, Eonline and my personal favorite television I constantly scout out stuff for me to read during the day. Feel free to put your time wasting websites up here (and nothing that has bartenders making out with each other please)There was this Dilbert cartoon about how the computer screen was so turned that no one could walk by and see what was going on and a coworker forwarded it to me with a "Look familiar? Ha! Just get a privacy screen idiot; you're not fooling anyone". My computer is turned so much that I'm almost in my filing cabinets. I miss having an office. Because those of us with so much access to private information should completely have cubicles (story for another day).

But be careful what you look at while you're at work. There are of course the friends whose forwards YOU NEVER OPEN on the event that your boss walks by and there's some sick porn thing that you can't close quickly enough and you'll need to bleach your brain to forget. Speaking of bleaching your brain--never let your curiosity make you actually click on a love workshop hosted by Starr Jones. Just don't do it. Your day is over if you do. Trust me.

I think commuting is the worst way to start a day. I mean truly, what sucks more than being trapped with all these people, mostly going to someplace they can't stand, many without their morning coffee, who are trying to avoid eye contact and you wind up reading the stupid ads for the Bahamas over and over again (which I get the point about putting them there so you can think, wow, I'd rather be there than her. I just wind up thinking, wow that looks awesome, I wish I had the money and the time off, cause the place I'm going should provide both, but well, no, and so I just get sad that I can't be on the beach at that moment).

And just as the train picks up speed and you've settled into the fact that yes, another day has started, you get stuck--that's the worst. Cause everyone starts getting really agitated, staring at their watches, sighing and being all like, I can't believe this. And sometimes they get mad at their fellow passengers, like we have something to do with this. I mean, really angry and all like, there's a meeting I have to attend! Look, I'll be honest, I wait until the last possible second to get up and leave the house, so I know for a fact I'm always cutting it a little close, meaning if I get stuck, I'm screwed. I've accepted this fate. I could be more ambitious and proactive, and leave a bit earlier so I wouldn't be stresed out, but I'm not gonna do that cause a. what would i complain about and b. eh, I have a routine. So there. But I am not one of those people taking my rage out on others who are probably having just as crappy a morning as I.

I mean, yes, it's shocking that the subway system would not work properly. I'm surprised though at the frequency in which I am late due to: congestion, sick passenger, train ahead of us, broken rail, electrical problem, red signal, and my favorite "police activity". My boss does not take said subway system to work and therefore does not have to endure this--and I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm making it up. But seriously, between the people who squish you in the seat, or decide today's the day that they're gonna act out their exhibitionist fantasies, or hover over you or whatever other annoying thing that they do, is it even possible not to get to work exhausted and ready for it to be over?

Someone must explain the following statement to me: "We have to agree that what we agreed upon is what we actually agree on." And that was followed up with a "It's like compelete agreement."

My friends this is a statement from a VP at a meeting with me today. HOW DO YOU TRIPLE AGREE?

I hate, hate, hate conference calls. Talk, talk, talk for hours on end. Today, I was on this call and I have to say, I'm not sure why. But I put this stupid headset on, put the phone on mute, and put my head in my hands.

Totally fell asleep. Yes, I fell asleep at my desk. I was awoken to the sound of my name and an angry few words. I totally had to recover and I'm not sure if I fooled anyone.

I'm not really bitter about all of this. I think I'm more sad, and it all just sounds bitter. See, one my biggest pet peeves is incompetence. Most people think that incompetence is when you can't do something. But I disagree. Incompetence is when you can't do something because you simply won't try or truly believe it's beneath you. If you honestly can't get something or don't understand that is not incompetence. However, if you have a printer in your office AND an assistant and you work in New York and then you call someone in Florida to call someone in New York--where you already are!-- to print out a document for you, that is incompetence. And then because your secretary took some "initiative" and printed it out for you and now you have god forbid two copies of something, feel free to wave around the offending three pieces of paper and act like someone just signaled for the fall of the company. A completely reasonable reaction. And no I'm not making that scenario up. I only wish I were.

But the depressing thing about corporate life, is that there are always incompetent people making it to the top and the ones that actually do the work are shuffled to the side or "not playing the game" or whatever other reasons people come up with that the other person will eventually not get a promotion or moved to a job that better "fits their skill set". It's really one of the reasons I'd be scared of being successful--it would mean that I've lost all touch with reality and I can't staple something together on my own.

Why do people call me and leave a message that says, "I'm on my way in, in the car right now. Okay, I really need to speak with you and go over some things. So, check my calendar and set up a meeting." First off this message is being left for me at 10 to 9 which, come on. This couldn't wait ten minutes? Is it really that important that people in other cars see you on your phone, waiving your hands around like you're on an important call, when all you're really doing is leaving me a completely pointless message? Do you think that so and so in the car next to you is thinking, "Wow, he must be really important. Look at how he moves his hands in the air! I must take down his license plate and find out his name so I can get him a job with my company!" Please.

Secondly, why are you calling me to tell me that you really need to talk to me and then leave it with "set up the meeting". How about no. How about you're the the one who wants to chat YOU SET UP THE MEETING. It's such a passive agressive way of being like I'm super busy but we simply must have this meeting where I'm going to give you all this work to do that I will then in turn take credit for and you're a peon so you have to find the time to talk to me and I'm more important than you so neener neener neener. It's like the office equivalent of a dick measuring contest, only I'm a chick and I'm not playing. So really you're just twisting in the wind out there big guy.

I recently got a promotion. However it was the type of promotion that prompted my collegues to ask "Don't you already do this? How is this better?" to which I have only one reply, "Well, they just made all the bullshit official". Actually--almost. Apparently my salary hasn't been negotiated yet. I found this out AFTER I said okay, so really put a damper on teh whole "yay promotion" thing. But that's not the worst of it. Socially awkward managers also feel compelled to be "human" to you and offer a congratulations. I think it's because they feel it makes them look like they're reaching out to the little folks and they can say, "I'm one of you too!" and on the off chance you sleep with the right person to get you to the top, you'll remember that they weren't a total jack ass.

I got the oddest egreeting telling me that this is my chance and to knock it out of the park. OOOOOOOOOOOOokay, wait as I step up to the plate and swing for the fences and ooh, let's hope that there's no need to invoke three strikes and you're out. Sports metaphors can be fun but with some people, it just sounds like a pathetic attempt to relate without their nifty Consultant to English speak book handy. So yes, I also get a note that says: Well this is an achievement that is significant. So now does the work begin to expand exponentially? Which, what the hell? How about a "Good luck" or "Good job" or something that USES REAL WORDS. I wrote back, "No, why are you planning on putting something on my desk?" to which I got the reply and I kid you not, "LOL, HA HA HA YOU'RE SO FUNNY, ROFLMAO." I need a new job.

I don't know why but I think it's a common observation that the higher up you go on the corporate ladder, the less aware of your surroundings you are. Executives seem to think that the rules that apply when you're alone in your house, can now be applied to an office full of people. They seem to believe that they can yell numerous nonsensical things at all times, expecting people to nod and agree. Or they hand you things on little post-its with words like "Meeting broccoli, jim, yellow" and god forbid you ask for "clarification" you realize your job is on the line unless you can string together something that makes this crazy person think that they're a genius.

Additionally, even though they become more dependent on complicated electronics, the less they can use the ones that have been around forever--such as fax machines and copiers. Anyway, one morning I come in and the boss is frantically pressing buttons on the fax machine. It took me a minute but I realized that she was making copies on the fax machine instead of using the copy machine that was about 2 feet away. The woman who runs my department makes about $250K a year. Yet, she was stymied by how to turn on the copy machine (the HUGE GREEN BUTTON THAT SAYS ON apparently was a mystery. Maybe if it talked).