Automated systems were supposed to give you quick access to information you need. Check your balance, see if a payment was received, etc. You know what it's not good for--actual questions. Actual needs. I mean, freakin' hell, how hard is it to hire people who can answer your questions? Seriously. I know that this is also a big place that companies outsource to other countries. That makes complete sense to me--I mean, would the language barrier be at all a problem?

My favorite is when you ask a question that it is not on the FAQs. There's this HUGE sigh of resignation like, wow I might actually have to ANSWER this question. I'm on hold right now to Vivaldi. I have been for the past ten minutes. The woman didn't even let me ask my question. She heard the topic, freaked out, and put me on hold. Thanks lady! I don't have anything better to do while you breathe into a paper bag and recite Steven Covey's the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People to yourself. Oh wait, she's back. This is an actual transcription of the call,

Me: "Hi. I have a question on (this form that I describe) that is due tomorrow."
Her: "HOLD ON."
Hold music.
Her "Ok. That form is due tomorrow."
Me: "Ok. That's not what I asked. You didn't let me ask my question."
Her: "Yes, I did. That form is due tomorrow."
Me: "I know that. It says it on it. That's not what I need to know."
Her: "HOLD ON."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. And disconnected. I can't blame corporate America because this is the government. I'll wait while you express disbelief that a government agency is poorly run.

My other favorite is when you have a $1500 piece of machinery in front of you that has basically spazzed out and you're on with tech support. And then they basically read from a manual to you asking questions to which mostly the answer is, "Look, I know how to do Excel and Word and open Internet Explorer. I don't know how to reconfigure a hard drive. That's why I have you!!!" "Yeah, uh, hold on, uh, one minute....uh....hmmm. Can you give me a few more key words. I mean, describe your problem again?"

And yes, this annoys the hell out of me, because people are getting laid off everyday in favor of machines and automated systems and whatever else, and I know that people can be incompetent, but spend the money to train them or hire someone with the skill. It's necessary. These shortcuts are just not working. I can't even make these phone calls from my office on my lunch hour because I wind up having a conversation with a computer:
Computer: If this is what you want, say "Yes"
Me: Yes
Computer: I did not understand what you said. If this is what you want, say "Yes"
Me: Yes
Computer: Sorry, I did not understand what you said. If this is what you want, say "Yes"
Me: No
Computer: You said, "More information." Is this correct?
Me: I hate you and I hope you die.
Computer: Thank you. Transferring your call.