As I watch the Academy Awards, I sometimes wish I was an actor. Be paid to look good, have Ryan Seacrest fawn over you, Joan Rivers ask inappropriate questions, awesome goodie bags just for showing up! I know they complain about the lack of privacy, but it can't be any worse than growing up where I did, where in a hot minute everyone finds out that your boyfriend dumped you for that girl that he got pregnant after he gave you the Clap (this did not happen to me, but I know someone that it did). Come on, Hollywood is just one big small town. Imagine if our regular office jobs had such perks? "Thanks for coming to this meeting guys. You'll all find under your seats gift certificates to Bliss spa and a brand-new Swatch." Ooooh, or when you walked in, it was someone's job to be like, "Hi Marie, that suit is stunning. Who are you wearing?" or "I hear that you're up for a promotion. Is this your first? How do you feel?" That'd be great. Hell, we get performance reviews all the time, so I could even take on the critics. "I really didn't think that the way she ran that meeting was her best work. Did you see the Sales conference of 2004? That was the pinnacle of her career; she set expectations so high and she's had several duds since then. Remember the December offsite? Awful. And do you see that dress she is wearing? Who told her that yellow was a good color?"